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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has always been the safe haven for daily publications, and we are always mindful to significant toilet tales and milestones, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to discover that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to use the facilities back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his tenure as national coach “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem named ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|